On Faithfulness

Learning to play the piano takes time.  Eli is fortunate to have his grandma as a teacher, but he was still just a little disappointed when his first lesson consisted of learning a warm-up activity and practicing good old middle C.  He expected to play at least the Star Wars theme when he was finished, not a count of 1-2-3-4-5.  So we practice for a few minutes every day…and I mean a few.  Five…maybe seven minutes on a good day.  Sometimes he sulks when I tell him to play something again.  Sometimes he tries to sit criss-cross-applesauce because he knows he isn’t supposed to.  Sometimes he wants to dash on to the next song before he’s finished the last one.  Sometimes Caleb comes over and bangs on the bass notes while he’s trying to practice.  Sometimes Violet does the same.  It is slow going.  But last week?  He mastered his first chord.  And yesterday, Grandma taught him his first scale.  As an outsider, I can see the progress that maybe he can’t.  One day he’ll wake up and realize he can play a whole song, but only if he keeps doing a little every day.

I’ve been lifting weights and doing core exercises every morning since December 1.  Even when I’m tired.  Even when I’m sick.  Even when I roll out of bed a little, ahem, later than I should.  I’ve been eating a spinach smoothie for breakfast and making it a priority to eat small doses of protein every few hours.  On January 1, I somehow got suckered into training for a half-marathon, and even though it’s been a tricky journey of shin splints and stomach bugs and super cold-weather runs, I’m still doing it.  I can’t say it has resulted in a marked difference on the scale though…until now.  The most recent stomach bug knocked me down four pounds…and they’ve stayed off for a week now.  (Score one for the stomach bug; I just need to get one once a month for the next three months and I’ll be in good shape.  Kidding.  TOTALLY KIDDING.)  This morning, in honor of anticipated temperatures in the 70’s, I pulled out my grey capris; they are totally my favorite pair of fat pants, as in I wore them twice a week this past fall.  And they didn’t fit.  They barely hung on my hips, and when I pulled them out in front of my stomach, I had inches to spare.  This is the first indication I’ve had that all this work is actually, you know, working.  It is perhaps my first encouragement on my journey to taking care of this body.  And it feels good.  It makes me want to keep things up for the next three months. 

I’ve also been praying and saving towards financial freedom; financial freedom that seems completely impossible.  But I landed a big editing project in November, and while it wasn’t exactly fun to work on evenings and weekends through December and Christmas break, the Simons have a savings account now.  And our tax return paid of my van…today!  And because James’s employer is helping with his student loans, our monthly out-of-pocket went down by one-hundred dollars.  We have a long way to go, but all told, we cut the bottom line by $400 this month.  That’s a big deal, and it was a lot of time and work and prayer in the making. 

Neither of these accomplishments was possible for me to do on my own; not remotely.  In fact, they took a lot of risk.  I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to finish a run…or even my day…if I exercise.  Heaven knows that the editing job was a foray into a profession I know nothing about; there were some super stressful and frustrating moments.  Many, actually.  But God provides the daily energy to exercise and keeps my body free from injury.  God gave me the editing opportunity and a tax refund big enough for the balance on the car.  He provided me opportunities and offered me His hand to help; I still had to accept them.  

There’s a lot in my life right now that seems stuck in the early months…only some of these trials have been going for years.  My attempt to use writing as a means to support our family is still by and large in the portfolio-building stage.  I’m plugging away with no indication that I’m getting anywhere.  James has been knocking down amazing numbers at work, and door after door slams shut in his face when he tries to get a promotion to a job that will actually pay all our bills.  There’s still bills to pay down and a mortgage I’d like to see be lower.  There’s still my desire to stay at home with our kids, and the rocky battleground that is our marriage. 

Today was a glimpse that being obedient and faithful will produce results…but only with God’s help.  It was a reminder to pray for opportunity and have the courage to take it.  It was a confirmation of his blessing and provision.  God must have known I needed to see the clouds pulled back because winter seems to be going on forever.  Today, I’m going to celebrate just a little bit, because God has been faithful and He has sustained me.  Even when I couldn’t see it.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.