Moving???

I’ve found that times of change lend themselves to a sort of mental confusion; so many thoughts pop into my head during the day, and I think, “I want to write about that.”  But I’m running late and there’s deadlines and the To Do list is filled with things that have to be done or the world will end…and by the time I finish, I’ve forgotten what to write about.

We are in a time of change, I think.  A few weeks ago, a random conversation led James down a road of applying for a new job in North Carolina. The job will keep him with the same company, but it offers him some flexibility and the chance to get away from the desk.  He interviewed twice and got a verbal offer on Friday.  From the first mention of “maybe we’ll move” to the call from the manager that he’d been chosen took maybe two weeks.  Two.

When I was pregnant with Violet and agonizing over the work/life balance that I didn’t (and still don’t) have, James asked me where I’d be willing to move.  Obviously Dayton topped that list because of the proximity to my mom.  And then there were the Carolinas.  Nothing came of that conversation.  James put up amazing numbers at work and beat down doors again and again for a promotion in the Covington hub.  Again and again he found himself snubbed.  We settled down into a place called “stuck.”  Bound by our beautiful home in the neighborhood we could never have afforded but for an act of God and shackled by my old faithful professional job (that does offer summers off, a definite perk), we acknowledged that things were not working well in our family but found ourselves powerless to make changes.  I hunkered down and started writing – anything – that could build a portfolio and get me a foothold in the industry…and maybe pay off some debt.  James kept going to work and putting up the numbers.  The kids went to their respective school and daycare classrooms and over and over again I reminded myself, “This could be worse.” 

It could. 

Many women would love to live in our house.  To live my life. 

So when North Carolina came up, I wavered.  Yes, I’d said I’d go.  But would the job pay enough for me to stay home?  And what if it didn’t? 

Fear began to move in.  What if we couldn’t find a buyer for our current house?  What if we couldn’t get enough out of it to help us settle somewhere we like in NC?  What if we wound up camped out in a two-bedroom townhouse with no backyard?  (How I love our yard in Kentucky!)  What if I we give up these amazing things God has given us and wind up with nothing.  What if we make the wrong choice?  What if, what if, what if?  I found myself leaning back from the opportunity, choosing “not good, but could be worse” instead of “could be better.”  As James’ excitement has increased, mine has careened into panic.  How do people do this?

We are still waiting on financial details for the contract.  They need to be good enough to move us to a new state and provide for us on one income.  We were hoping to have them yesterday.  Now we hope for today.  We don’t know for sure that this is the right opportunity, but our guts seem to say it is.

In the meantime, I’m acknowledging this:  God’s provision is not limited to our house on Scenic View.  And when He gave me this house, He provided so many things He knew I would love: hardwood floors, and huge kitchen, a gas stove, a fireplace, a big back yard, and incredible sunsets.  He provided them at a price He knew we could afford through two more children and a spurt with one income.  He provided the impossible, but the impossible isn’t limited to one house.  We’ve felt a pulling on our hearts for some time, even as I returned to work and set about paying off debts.  We’ve felt a pulling to something new.  A wanderlust. 

Maybe the time is now.  And maybe I need to stop expecting that everything will be awful.  Maybe I should look at the blessings God has provided thus far and anticipate He will continue.

I’ve been praying for a four-bedroom house so that we can entertain guests comfortably.  I’ve been praying for a big living area so we can host people in our home.  I’ve been praying to a space the kids can use for a playroom.  For a kitchen I can love.  For a fireplace that works.  For a big backyard that will hold our playset.  For a community with good schools if we don’t decide to homeschool (although we may very well).  For a neighborhood where we can run and walk.  For a faith community.  For friends.  For a mortgage payment much lower than the one we currently pay.  And just maybe, for the chance to supplement our income with the words I eke out in the early mornings and late evenings after the kids are in bed.  That’s a lot to ask. 

Maybe none of this can happen if I won’t let go of the house of Scenic View.  Of beautiful Fort Thomas.  Of the power of holding a steady job.  Of the unknown and the comfortable. 

There’s a sign in my kitchen that reminds me: “He who promised is faithful.”  Please pray for our family.  Please pray for an offer my husband can accept.  Please pray for someone to buy our beloved house.  Please pray for a new home in North Carolina that can only have been provided by God.  Please pray for His assurance that we are on the right track, for the right doors to open and the wrong ones to slam shut.  Please pray for courage and peace as we move toward what is next. 

Because one way or another, we are moving.