For the past two weeks, our household has been terrorized by
a four-day fever bug characterized by sleepless nights, lots of whining, and
general misery. Of course, the kids
couldn’t all get it at once because that would be too helpful to a mama with no
sick days, so instead Caleb burned up for four days, recovered for one, then
Violet went down, and two days later, Eli joined her. It. Was. So. Much. Fun.
The
thing about this particular virus is that it didn’t bring any scary symptoms
(thank goodness). No one had trouble
breathing or barked like a seal. No one
developed pink eye. No one broke out in
a rash. They just alternated between
sweating and shivering while complaining of sore backs, heads, and knees. And you know what they asked me for over and
over again? Even more than they asked
for a drink? “Just stay with me, Mommy.” “I want you to sleep with me, Mommy.” “No, Mommy, please don’t leave. Just stay here. Sit on my bed. Lie down beside me. Be here.”
I’d like to say that I did better with these requests than I did. While it is darn near impossible to say no to
a child with such a loving request, I confess that I found myself lying there
thinking about all the things I should be doing. I worried about the germs I was catching when
Caleb fell asleep with his head on my shoulder for the third time. I worried that I was actually keeping him
awake when we all needed sleep. I
worried about unpaid time off work. I
worried…I let me mind wander elsewhere, when in reality, there is no greater
gift than I child who craves my presence in his hour of need. No one asked me to make them better, although
there were plenty of requests for Motrin (granted). They. Wanted. Me. What a gift to be a mom.
My
heart is so soft toward my children when I think back on those weeks. They’ve shown me what God asks of me. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to
you.” “Seek the Lord and He will be found.” For the last few days, the cry of my heart
has begged God to be near to me. I had a
vivid dream of being cuddled up next to someone (nameless?) who wrapped his arm
around me and made me feel safe. I can’t
tell you how much I crave that safety.
That tenderness. That love that
desires to protect.
Life is hard and I’m just so tired and I feel so alone…please just sit
with me. Let me feel better because You
are here, Father. Please let me feel
Your presence…Your comfort. Please let
that be enough.
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