I was getting Violet ready for her nap. We’d spent the
morning running around SciWorks, and stopped for free Krispy Kreme on the way
home. (Because in this house, we celebrate National Donut Day. Every. Single.
Year.) Krispy Kreme glaze dotted Violet’s
face and the tiny waves of blond hair that had escaped from her pigtails. She
was still munching on the Swedish Fish she received for successfully using the
potty five minutes before. Girlfriend knows how to savor the experience, let me
tell you. She also knows how to hold her pee and release it a little at a time.
I mean, the more times she goes, the more “feces” she gets to eat. We’re still
working on that “sh” sound.
Violet before naptime or bedtime is the perfect balance of
silly and sweet. Sleep is currently the worst thing that could happen to her,
and she pulls out all the stops to push it back. Today was no exception. Silly
faces, hysterical laughter, sloppy kisses. She did not want to go to bed.
And I looked at her, and she took my breath away. I’m sure I
must have had moments like this with the boys too, although maybe it’s
different with Violet because she’s a girl. Her eyes met mine, she grinned,
puffy cheeks scrunching up to her eyes, and I thought, “This. This is what it
means to delight in something.” I wish I could somehow weave better words for
this one, but I think you have to experience it to know it.
And in that moment, there was a whisper in my heart. “This
is how I feel about you, too.”
That’s so hard for me to imagine. The wistful beauty of
youth, the innocence, the joy…is long gone for me. I feel like I’m all hard
edges, except for my abs, which will never be hard again. How can I get my
heart to believe that my heavenly Father delights in me? That he loves me a
thousand times better than I love my own impish daughter.
And what would it mean for my life if I truly lived like a
child who knows my Father is delighted in me? Because I know what it’s like to
live with a human who does just the opposite, and that has shaped my heart for
so long. I can tell you this, a woman confident in her delightfulness would be
a force to be reckoned with.
For just a minute, I saw a glimpse of God’s heart for me,
and it lifted my heavy soul. I want to live like the object of God’s delight. I
want to understand it down to the core of my being. I want it to change my
life.
“For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the
humble with victory.” Psalm 149:4
