It's OK to Say It's Hard

One of my goals this year is to link begin linking my outside work to this blog, if nothing else because I need a common place where clients can access what I do. Here's my most recent blog post for Triad Moms on Main, a local online resource for moms. Thanks to all of you who read what I have to say!

New Every Morning

As I reflect on 2016, the one emotion that continually grips me is fear. Yes, fear. Why on earth would I be fearful after a year of unprecedented open doors? After I was finally able to quit my teaching job? After I’ve consistently made enough to pay our bills each month by writing and editing? After seeing my dream come true - my own words next to my own name in multiple publications? After selling a house for a significant profit and finding a space just right for our family right now? After paying off my van? After starting a homeschooling journey? After landing in a community that has us smitten?

Why am I afraid?

Because a little voice inside me whispers, “You’ve used up your blessing allotment, Laura. God couldn’t possibly have more in store for you. This year will certainly take you back to the status quo of praying for nothing to happen.” That little voice looks around me at the still very real pain, the wreckage of a relationship, the unclear next steps, and it assumes that God is finished. “Don’t hope!” it whispers. “You might be disappointed.

Of course, that’s not how God works. This morning, Lamentations - of all books - reminded me, “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh every morning. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!’” (Lamentations 3:22-24) I’ve always thought of this verse in terms of forgiveness. It is a verse to cling to after a really bad parenting day, after I’ve made too many mistakes to count, after I’ve lost my ever-loving mind and screamed at the kids. (Again.)

But God’s mercy, and his love, is completely undeserved. And it isn’t limited to forgiveness. Every gift He gives us is completely unmerited, a drop of his precious love. And his love NEVER ENDS.

Many times each day, I lose patience with my own children. “This is it. You didn’t eat your lunch, so I’m not cutting up any more grapes.” “That tantrum has just convinced me that tablet time is over. Forever.” “There will be no more fun in this house until you pick up your toys without whining!” (Really, I’ve made that threat.  New mercies. Every morning. Sometimes multiple times a day.)

My children need to learn boundaries and natural consequences, but they are also children. Sometimes I forget that they need time to grow in maturity and self-control. I’m so glad God is a better parent than I. I don’t believe He is sitting in heaven saying, “That’s it. She grumbled. I am so done with her.” The Bible shows us that’s not how our God operates. The Lord IS my inheritance. His mercies NEVER cease. Not on my worst days. And not because he’s given me all He has to give.

God has more mercy, love, and hope to give me in this coming year, if I can be courageous enough to hope in it. Thank goodness.